I wonder if part of the reason so many young people get diagnosed with mental disorders in college is because that’s the only time they get access to mental health care without their parents telling them they’re making it up
I once had a neurotypical tell me that I can’t expect my friends and family to accept my diagnoses and be supportive because apparently my mental health is hard for THEM. Wow, how hard it must be to be a nice person and actually care. How dare I think having mental illnesses without support is worse than having to learn about and support someone with a mental illness like a decent human being.
Just because someone’s parents are together, someone has a nice house, has nice clothes, isn’t poor, eats every day and has a loving family doesn’t mean they can’t be depressed, have anxiety, an eating disorder, self harm issues, or any other problem.
Hi, so I've been feeling really not good for quite a long time and finally made an sppointment with sychiatrist. It's just that while I have some sympthoms of depression, I can't give them any tangible proofs (my weight is stable, I haven't beein missing school and my grades are passable). And I'm just so so scared they aren't going to believe me or treat me seriously.
A good psychiatrist understands that a stable weight and good grades does not make you healthy.
Just explain your situation, and if you feel like you’ve got a bad connection you could always see another one.
Sorry I just had a question on how to decipher people in your life as toxic or not. How can you tell whether or not it is just your depressed state that is irrationally hurt or upset by them and not that they are truly bringing you down or neglecting you?
In a healthy relationship, you:
Treat each other with respect
Feel secure and comfortable
Are not violent with each other
Can resolve conflicts satisfactorily
Enjoy the time you spend together
Support one another
Take interest in one another’s lives: health, family, work, etc.
Have privacy in the relationship
Can trust each other
Are each sexual by choice
Communicate clearly and openly
Have letters, phone calls, and e-mail that are your own
Make healthy decisions about alcohol or other drugs
Encourage other friendships
Are honest about your past and present sexual activity if the relationship is intimate
Know that most people in your life are happy about the relationship
Have more good times in the relationship than bad
In an unhealthy relationship, one or both of you:
Try to control or manipulate the other
Make the other feel bad about her/himself
Ridicule or call names
Dictate how the other dresses
Do not make time for each other
Criticize the other’s friends
Are afraid of the other’s temper
Discourage the other from being close with anyone else
Ignore each other when one is speaking
Are overly possessive or get jealous about ordinary behavior
Criticize or support others in criticizing people with your gender, race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, disability, or other personal attribute
Control the other’s money or other resources (e.g., car)
Harm or threaten to harm children, family, pets, or objects of personal value
Push, grab, hit, punch, or throw objects
Use physical force or threats to prevent the other from leaving
Those traits are for romantic relationships, but I think a lot of it fits for platonic relationships too.
If they repeatedly make you feel bad they are probably toxic.
I just found this blog and it is incredibly supportive to me as someone suffering over fifteen years with clinical depression, mostly treated. I do have good times, but my question is, how can I make them outweigh the bad? How can I truly WANT to live?
That’s a tricky one, anon. You have to fill your life with things that makes you happier.
What makes life worth living is different from person to person, in my opinion, but taking care of yourself is a good start, I think.
It was first when I began taking care of myself, for real, things changed for the better. I still struggle, but now it actually seems worth it.
i asked my mom if mental hospitals were covered by our insurance and she said it was and then i told her i needed to be in one she told me no. my anxiety has gotten bad and my depression creeps up on me and i want to cut. but she doesn't know that i'm a self harmer. idk what to do.
Speak to your mom, or a teacher, or a counselor.
Being honest is the first step to getting better. Keep your head above the water, dear. <3
So two weeks ago, I was biking home, when I nearly hit a pothole. I swerved, and removed my hands from the handlebars. During this split second, my handlebars spun around, and I fell. Bruised my right thigh, banged my left knee on the street,…
I really wish there were more blogs like you. You really help me cope. I don't think any other blog I've been to actually understands what the hell I'm going through, and how to deal with it. This blog provides an outlet for me, and I highly appreciate it. Thank you.
I’m so glad this blog is helping you, anon. That’s what we’re trying to do!
i am a lot better compared with my suicidal self last year. I'm not happy, but close to it. This is my advice: erase toxic people from your life, even if it hurts you. After two months, everything gets brighter.
I'm afraid to get help cause my parents will eventually have to find out. I'm scared cause my mom used to work in a psychiatric hospital with anorexic teen girls. I'm worried that she'd be angry at me for falling that low or just not believe that I'm that depressed. I just felt like I needed to get that off my chest. Thanks.
If your mother has worked with people suffering from mental illness she’s more likely to understand. Try talking to her or writing how you feel in a letter. Your parents have the potential to be a great support, and being honest with them is very important.
Today is over. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Tomorrow will be better. Just breathe.
“Sometimes grief is a comfort we grant ourselves because it’s less terrifying than trying for joy. Nobody wants to admit it. We’d all declare we want to be happy, if we could. So why, then, is pain the one thing we most often hold on to? Why are slights and griefs the memories on which we choose to dwell? Is it because joy doesn’t last but grief does?”—Megan Hart, Dirty (via quotes-shape-us)
The only reason I'm still alive and continue to fight for the will to live despite severe depression, is because of my girlfriend. I'm not trying to recover for me, I'm doing it for her. I haven't told her that I honestly am still very much suicidal, she thinks I want to recover for myself. Is that bad, to only live because of another?
I’ve been there too, anon. It helped me to keep fighting for my family at first, and when I got a bit better I began fighting for myself.
I think you should talk to your girlfriend about this, and seek help from a therapist/psychologist.
Is it common, when depressed and suicidal, to feel as if you're the only person seeing things clearly? I honestly don't understand why people want to stay alive, when we're making such an awful impact on the planet. I would rather die and stop wasting resources by existing and consuming material goods & resources.
Feelings like that tend to vary from individual to i individual, but I can tell you now that you are wrong. You are not wasting resources, I promise. Please seek help for this. If you feel suicidal maybe going inpatient would be a good way to get help.
The best thing about working at the humane society....
… puppy snuggles <3
I find that when I know my mental health is taking a turn for the worse, sometimes snuggling a puppy can help relieve some of the sadness and maybe get me back on my feet. Even if it doesn’t, it’s still wonderful and lovely and sweet :)
I highly recommend checking out your local animal shelter if you like animals. They usually allow anyone to come spend time with the dogs and cats.
By the way, this is Tonka Girl; a rottweiler up for adoption at the New Hampshire Humane Society.
Hey, about the mirror exercise. I want to tell you what helps me with it, but I really don't want to come off as a "just do this and it'll fix everything!" type of person. So I really hope I phrased everything right. One of the things that helps me with it, is to just... start off small. Instead of saying what you're supposed to say, maybe saying something like "The sandwich I made was tasty today" or "A lot of people like my blog" or "My dogs like my company". idk it helps me sometimes...
How can I tell my parents about my depression and get help? I'm too scared...
I know it’s very hard to speak with your parents about things like this, but most parents are very understanding and wants to help you. Though they can be a bit overwhelmed at first they usually come around.
You can speak to one or both of your parents, write a letter or an email, or even a text to them about it.
"Dear mom/dad/name< Lately I’ve been very sad, *explain symptoms* and I might I suffer from depression/other illness (or I suffer from depression/other illness). I think need to see a professional”
If that’s too scary you could ask a teacher or a counselor to speak with them for/with you.
Ive been feeling so down lately that i cant get myself to be motivated to do anything. I'm a piece of shit and i dont even deserve to live
Hello anon. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way, and I very much encourage you to get help for these thoughts. You are not a piece of shit, and you do deserve to live. I don’t know you, but you are worthy of good things regardless. If you want to, you could explain more to me about your situation, and I’ll try to help you as best as I can, but you should still get help.
Hello guys! I don’t know if you still remember me, but I made this blog a long time ago, and I have been active on and off. I’m now back.
My name is Eline and our older followers probably remember me.
I’m feeling much better now! After being hospitalized 7 times this year, most of them involuntary. I’ve received intensive treatment both physically for my eating disorder and psychotherapy for the “rest”, and I’m now in a much better place.
So I just want to say hello, here I am. I will be available, and I will answer messages.
Dissociating is one of the most common responses to abuse and trauma. It involves feeling numb, detached or unreal and (while it happens to everyone once in a while) is experienced more frequently and severely in survivors. Dissociating people vary widely in symptoms and may experience any or all of the things from the following list.
You may be dissociating if you:
find yourself staring at one spot, not thinking anything
feel completely numb
feel like you’re not really in your body, like you’re watching yourself in a movie.
feel suddenly lightheaded or dizzy
lose the plot of the show or conversation you were focused on
feel as if you’re not quite real, like you’re in a dream
feel like you’re floating
suddenly feel like you’re not a part of the world around you
feel detached and far away from other people, who may seem mechanical or unreal to you
are very startled when someone/something gets your attention
completely forget what you were thinking just a moment ago
suddenly cover your face or react as if you’re about to be hurt for no reason
can’t remember important information about yourself, like your age or where you live
find yourself rocking back and forth
become very focused on a small or trivial object or event
find that voices, sounds or writing seem far away and you sometimes have trouble understanding them.
feel as if you’ve just experienced a flashback (perhaps rapidly) but you can’t remember anything about it.
perceive your body as foreign or not belonging to you
Book Review: The Glorious Ambition: The Compassionate Crusade of Dorothea Dix by Jane Kirkpatrick
One of the things about visiting the public library is you’ll see books on the shelf that you would have never even thought to look for. The latest surprise for me on the New shelf of the local library was The Glorious Ambition: The Compassionate Crusade of Dorothea Dix by Jane Kirkpatrick. It didn’t have the sticker on the spine that would denote it as Christian Fiction, but it should have and maybe it will when it leaves the New shelf for a place on the regular shelf. Now, I normally avoid Christian Fiction like the plague, but I knew a little bit about Dorothea Dix and, after skimming the book, I didn’t find anything that suggested a love story or proselytizing in it, so I checked it out.
It’s not a bad book to read, but it is mostly a life story about Dorothea’s tactful resistance to the pressures of society’s expectations of women of her day and her search to find her true ambition in life. I was hoping it would focus more on her work she did to obtain more rights and more humane treatment for the mentally ill.
But what it does is it recreates over and over its image of her as a self-assured Victorian gentlewoman, courteous, refined, demure, always concerned about others before herself, modest, demure, non-aggressive, rarely saying the wrong thing, clever in her turn of phrase, keeping her negative emotions boxed in between herself, God, and her journal.
I very seriously doubt the real Dorothea Dix who was a reformer and went well outside of what was considered a woman’s place in the Victorian era society was so unerringly lady-like. I don’t think the real Dorothea would have recognized the main character as herself and would have laughed heartily at it and even more so at the idea that rich and influential society folk with deep pockets could be moved to act on behalf of the poor with no more than gentle persuasion and by appealing to their better natures. No, that’s the Christian Fiction part. If it was that easy, we’d be living in a far better world and wouldn’t still be struggling to stop the warehousing of people with mental illness in prisons and jails 126 years after Ms. Dix’s death.
The thing I liked best about this book is it emphasizes Dorothea’s commitment to the idea that the poor and the mentally disabled were entitled to nourishing food, clean safe living conditions, education, humane treatment and better lives because they were human beings, not because it was intended to cure them of their ailments.
How can I recommend something for a depressed friend? I know it won't "cure" anything at all, but she's eating only junk and not sleeping or exercising. I want to suggest we take health afternoons together--we can go for a short walk if she's up to it and eat a healthy lunch and I can listen to her. (Once a week so it doesn't tire her out too much) But I don't want to annoy her or seem like I'm pushing a "cure" or something. Do you have tips?
Yeah, no, you don’t want to do that. That would be like ‘health policing’ or ‘food policing’ - which are very sensitive issues that trigger a lot of guilt and shame in susceptible people, and some struggling with depression is very susceptible to guilt and shame.
A better approach would be to fix her a dish of food, maybe a grilled chicken sandwich wraps or a casserole, something ready to eat or is heat and serve. Nothing that obviously is screaming ‘Eat Healthier!’ like a green salad or brown rice and tofu (unless that’s something she normally ate before this episode of depression.) Cooking and preparing food is a struggle when you’re depressed. Sometimes just eating is.
The not-sleeping is a symptom, too. Depression robs you of energy, then disrupts your sleep and throws your body rhythms off which makes you ever more tired and out of sorts. It’s not something she really has control over. She can make herself go to bed early, but she can’t make herself sleep.
You might try saying “Let’s walk down and look at the Christmas display in such-and-such yard’ or ‘So-and-so has a new puppy in her yard. Wanna go look?” Don’t be surprised if she resists the idea and don’t get mad about it. And don’t try to sell her on the idea. It’s a symptom to not want to do things. If she’d rather drive past and look, it’s a start. At least, she is still willing to leave the house. If she has no interest at all, it means the depression is severe. It may pass on its own or it may require medical intervention. It’s hard to say which it is sometimes.
The best thing you can do is listen. Just listen. Don’t offer advice. Don’t make judgements. Don’t argue.Try to be logical and stick to facts and keep it pleasant. Depressed people can be overwhelming negative and resistant to every suggestion, they’ll latch onto every worst case scenario and see that as inevitable. It’s extremely frustrating, but it is a symptom and a sign the person is hurting deeply inside. If it has gotten that bad, where she can’t admit anything is good, then she needs professional help from people with experienced in treating this illness.
You’re a good friend to want to help her and a wise one to realize you could easily upset her and to ask for advice on how to approach her. I wish you the best of luck. - Sharon
“Being a depressive is generally living in the Land of Suck, but you do have to learn one vital secret of life in order to survive: A thing can be emotionally true and factually a lie. Which is to say that I wake on certain mornings consumed by the idea that nobody in this world loves me, that everyone would be much happier if I drank the Drano, and that my funeral would be attended by no one. This is not how I feel; this is how things are, so much so that on three occasions I’ve actually tried to end my worthless life.
Then, slowly, I gather the facts around me: My wife is cuddled up next to me, evidently content. My phone contains texts from people who wanted to talk to me. My blog occasionally contains some nice comments.